Now that we all know....

... that I am completely neurotic.
I have a plan to get my self out there. I am going to get my ass moving.
Monday morning I am going to make my way down to scarborough town center, and take my name off that stupid Business listing with my former partner.
Then I am going to do a name search and get my shit up and out there.
Got a site design that is killer, and the business cards... FORGETABOUTIT! As my cousins would say.
Been busy ploting things out. Seems like I am on to the next step.
Got motivated. been doing some bench marking and soon it will be off to the Races.
Now to get my self some hosting for cheap. :D
Wish me luck peeps.

Hypertension...

... is it sad that I think I have it?

Meh.

Still Catching Up

The Tudors Episode 4 Season 1... It's going to take me a while... :D

I think the image says it all...

I need to know if Pfizer makes a little white pill that will give me Debt Relief? They could call it payagra or something stupid like that. You go to the Dr.'s office and tell him you need some debt relief he prescribes this little white pill and TADA... All your bills are pushed back or delayed for one month with out penalty. WOULDN'T THAT BE WICKED! Here you go Pfizer you can take this idea for the meanial cost of 100 Cases of that shit for my personal use :D

Things are getting really tight.
Say a prayer every one. I'll say one for you all.

Bah Hum Bug Pix

Bah Hum Bug... Or not?

Yesterday was an incredibly cold day in November, after work I just wanted to go home and cuddle up to the hubby and do nothing at all. I knew that I would have to be at work first thing in the morning.
So I made some snacks for the Bob and I, and we sat on the couch in front of the TV.
I felt like doing soemthing but was feeling quite lathargic. Bob Suggested we go for a small drive, get some fuel, smokes and even a cup of coffee.
I thought meh. Ok. Lets.
So off we whent in our Silver Sleigh... :D
Whent to the bank, got some fuel (AWESOME DEAL AT 76.5 BTW). picked up some smokes and then grabbed a coffee at the local timmies.
Bob looks over at me and asks "Where would you like to go?"
I didn't know or really care so I told him to decide.
He asked If I would like to drive by the Bay and see what the Christmas Windows look like. I thought what the hey... It might be nice to see.
And off we went.
The windows looked awesome and magical. I wish we were walking so we could get a closer look.
Then we drove up Yonge St. and it was awesome as well. Yonge Dundas Sq. had the tree up and Christmas Decorations. It was quite pretty. After taking a quick gander we continued north bound to Yonge and College where they used to have Polar Bears on the island but this time it was a HUGE SLEIGH! it was very pretty.
I wish I had my Camera but all I had was the cell cam. So I took some pics using that. I don't think they turned out so well. I'll post them later.
But I have to say... For that moment in the car it sure did feel like the holidays were approaching, and it didn't feel too bad.
Who knows maybe Bob's trying to de-scroogify me subtly.
I'll post pics from my phone.

Up untill Today...

... I have been feeling quite BAH HUMBUGISH. I haven't really been looking forward to the Holidays this year.
There's been tons of stress, and tons of crap... all of which has made it hard to get into the Christmas Spirit. My Husband has been breaking the "BALLS" so to speak about us putting up the Christmas Tree.
Frankly I was in no mood to even entertain the idea, but low and behold we have a super sized XMAS tree up in the condo.
He even made me go with him to get an ORNAMENT for our first Christmas in our own home.
I suppose I should be a little happier.
I have to say that watching Bob get the tree out and put up the ornaments was nice. I was glad to see him enjoying something. He's like a little kid.
The finished product isn't so bad but it is huge. I mean the tree is too big for the condo. He's so proud of it. I could be a scrooge and say anything negative. I thought it would crush him.
After we got the tree up he started talking about the Christmas Train Set he is dying to get on the dining room table. WHAT have I started?!?! If I give in to the train set its going to look like fugging Santa's work shop in here. All we'd be missing is elves... well Bob thinks i am really short, and considering all my friends are my height then I guess we've got the elves covered too.
meh.
If I break down and allow the train set I'll get some pictures up so you guys can laugh at me yet again.

Happy Holidays.

The View From ...

...my balcony today.
I wasn't surprised because I was up at 5:30 this morning. I drove the bob to work today, and and had to drive in the mess that the roads were early this morning.
I hate to say it but it does look pretty.

I feel like...

... I've been lacking depth lately.
I noticed this when i was reading some of my blogmates posts.
I can't get out the stuff I want.
I feel like it would end up being a shit storm of words on the page that just don't make any sence to any one but me.
That's why most of my posts as of late have been light.
I have a crap load of stuff in my head.
I haven't been able to sleep even with the TV on.
Usually it drowns out the noise in my head, but it just seems like the noise in my head has been getting louder. It's like it's drowning out the sound from the TV.
I want to sleep. I want to have quiet head space.
Meh.
Who needs depth anyway.

Last Night....

Just a shout out to my peeps from last night!
Ducky, Lise, Lee Thanks so much for spending time with me last night and letting me entertain you with my silly stories.
I am so glad that I get to spend any time with you guys at all.

So Here's to some cookie dough... I'll be making cookies Sunday!

To Review or Not to Review...

That is the question...

So being as obsessive as I am I continued to Dl a shit load more apps. The truth of the matter most are not even worth mentioning, but just fun to have...

One that is worth mentioning and that I am liking is Fring, and I found a way to get calls on my IPOOOOD, even though it's not a phone. Voice Over IP is a wonderful thing...

Fring is a one stop shop for all your IM needs. Check it out... You might like it.

Next is Sai Suke. It's a calender application that colour codes various appts, and makes titles for them. It also has space for notes, and every thing can be edited. It's awesome. Far better and more useful than the stock Iphone or Ipoood Calender definately a good choice for DL.

There is also an App called "GooeyEvents" and this app is great if you like planning stuff. You can make groups out of your contact list already on your pod or phone, and plan events. The app sends an email to the people in the group and cues them to RSVP to the event. It then notifies you of confirmed guest, and those who won't be able to attend.

Not a bad app. I think I will be using all of these more freqently in the future.

Check you guys later. :D

Today....

I have managed to download like 25 Applications in the past 24 hours.

I tunes just sent me my receipt. Had they not been free I would be paying 25 dollars for a bunch of time wasters.

Thank God, it was all free...

So I guess I should be giving you guys a review of the stuff I downloaded.

I think I am going to start with Google Earth:

I first used this software on my notebook a while ago, for me the novelty wore off after a bit.

Then I dl'd the app onto my Ipood, and it seems that the team at google earth have made a lot of improvements.

I enjoyed using it. My Husband had way too much fun with it.

We located our condo, and then we pretended to be driving on the street and drove with Google Earth all the way to my parents place being able to perfectly recognize all of the reference points we use when we're actually "driving"

Bob thought it was cool because it was kinda like spying on people. We visited my Godmothers house in Woburn Ma. Bob was able to pick out the house right away. Now I feel like the novelty has worn off again. I want to take it off the Ipoood but I feel like Bobby might be sad about it so I left it on there for him. Yes we're nerdy people.

The next app I am thinking of removing post dl is: Here I Am. It's way off.

I tried it last night, while at home and it barely got the general area right. Just now I tried it again while at work and it's way off. I work at Merton and Mt. Pleasant, it's got me at Yong near Bloor. It might be different If I were using the Iphone, but for the ipoood not so good. I have read reviews, and people have loved it. I on the other hand not so excited about it. I think I'll hold on to it for a while longer and see if it does better the next time around. Then I'll re-evaluate.

I will be posting more reviews in the next couple of days.

There are just so many to talk about.

:D

Ipoooding...

It seems I am very likely going to be up until the break of dawn, while my Ipood and I get to know each other better.
I recently upgraded my firmware to version 2.1 And It's okay. It seems to run just slightly better than the 1.14 hacked ver. I was running before.
I miss my backgrounds and some of the cooler apps that I had the option of running before, but the truth is I love the quality of the new stuff.
Right now I am dealing with a file sharing app that allows me server space, and I am just setting up the network and getting the files copied.
All this while I talk to lisa on google chat, and prepare this blog post.
I feel like this is most productive I've been in a while.

So I finally got a shit load of files copied, including I think all of my portfolio.
I am so glad this is finally complete.
Soon... I'll be shopping again for more free apps...
Below you will see 4 pages of apps and stuff.
I am still looking, and I need to synch the stuff I got off Itunes. I am such a nerd...

What on Earth...

... are these new feelings.
I am not getting it.
I have never felt sooo much anxiety in my life before.
Sure since the accident I have felt it here and there especially when I get angry but lately I feel it all the time.
The smallest little thing will set me off.
Right now for example I am feeling like my heart, and my chest are going to explode.
WHY???
I am feeling serious anxiety. I am feeling like I want to just fucking lay down and die.
When did this all begin?
Is this all a byproduct of working at CPF???
Is it being brought back now that I work in a similar environment?
I am not sure.
I can't deal with this... I need shit to change. I am thinking I might need to see a neuro-psychologist again.
Something just isn't right.
Good help us all if I have a heart attack. I will be rendered COMPLETELY USELESS!
Not like I am of any use right now anyhow.
This shit sucks.

I don't know if I am feeling this kind of anxiety because of all the other shit that's going on in my life or if I am just becoming a psychologically disturbed person?
Is this going to continue to get worse? Am I going to become mentally ill?

I've begun doubting my self and my decisions. I think I am about to make a good choice when I completely screw things up. Or why do I think I am going to make a bad choice when I am about to make the best choice yet?

Answers. I need answers. Somebody please give me something to push these crazy feelings away.

IPood Party :D

Thanks guys for visiting!
Here's to Cameron, Pedro, Lise, and Nade for a wonderful evening!
We ate cookies drank coffee, and tea, and hacked ipoods... :D
What an awesome evening...
Now if only I had thought far enough ahead to take photos of the jamboree....

Right now I am at work yawning away.
I hope its an uneventful day. :D

If I were to use a label...

... to describe myself it would be:

Hetero-butchy-nerdy-motorcycle missing- titanium boned-underachiever- broad with glasses

But I wouldn't because it would be to complicated, and would take too much self examination.

Furthermore, why the need to do so? Society should just accept us as we are.

So There!

The First Step:

I decided today to "Begin"
Now to see what happens.
I already have a site design in mind with many new and interesting ideas that I didn't implement with WBSH.
I won't be sharing just yet. Don't want to give away all my secrets.

Now to wait until there is sufficient cash flow, and they will be supprized.

"You may have won the war... but the battle isn't over yet."
Don't count me out or down.
Crash is gonna attempt a come back.

Wow Part 2!

So I met with the agent i posted about the other day.
1) She really is cool.
2) She's suffered a lot... I can feel her pain.
3) Seems like she has her shit together.
4) She has run into the same issues that all women riders do... Men and Riders in general SUCK ASS!
I can continue on for ever and ever.
It seems like we hit it off quite well.
Who knows, this acquaintance could turn into friendship... up until a few nights ago I thought I had enough friends. Now ... I might have room in my heart for one more. :D
She is smart, strong, and poised... and all the things that I don't consider myself to be.
So I guess It was a good thing to follow my gut and do the coffee thing.

Wow...

So here I am at the office once again.
Evening shift WOO HOO.
When out of the blue I strike up a convo with this agent.
She is Tall Blonde and Gorgeous.
A strong Business women. Driven.
The person I want to be and somewhere under all this frozen ability am.

She dropped a little hint of motorcycle riding into the convo. I was completely taken aback.
I MEAN I ALMOST FELL OVER.
I was like shut up you ride?!?!
She said YUP!
I started to wind up to ask her what she rode as she pulled out her pda and shows me this picture of herself on some kind of cruiser (I don't know much about cruisers, so I don't know what kind of bike it was.) I still should have asked. I think it was rude of me not to.
I immediately took out the ipoood touch it and showed her the slew of bikes I have owned and crashed... ok.... wrote off.
Then I find out she's gone through a very similar life altering accident and alot of other similar stuff.
I am in awe.
It seems like she's come back better and stronger than I have.
I wonder if I can make it to where she is.
Time to bring the Mantra back.
BIGGER BADDER STRONGER...
I always did things this way when it came to bikes.
I did it when Tara and I started WBSH ... The motto stayed Bigger Badder Better Stronger. I've had this train of thought long before Kanye West came out with it... I think that song is going to be my new theme song.

Back to the original theme of this post:
The agent I spoke to this evening.
I am glad to have had that moment of discussion.
I don't feel like the only one any more.
It's nice to know other women have dealt with the same shit and still made it.
Now if only I could get everything back where it was before.
I think it will only be a matter of time.
Here's to Women like us;
Keep fighting the good fight,
Never let the bitches see us sweat,
We will always be on top even if we feel like we've lost it.

Now to keep to it... I am sure if i was still riding. I wouldn't feel so shitty about life.
Maybe I should ride again. I may only feel strong then.

Happy Anniversary...

Both my hubby and I had yesterday off. We woke up early. I thought we
were going to have an awesome day together I was so excited, and then
so disappointed. No surprise there.
I found out at like 11 am that my husband made a decision and acted on
it with out even consulting me. What do you think happens next? An
arguement! We totally get in to it. I even yelled at him. I
appologized for yelling after wards, but bob doesn't. I was angry all
day. He didn't even think to appologize. It ruined my whole day.
I didn't even want to go to my parents house for dinner. Unfortunately
I didn't have a choice. So off we went, its so hard to pretend nothing
is wrong in front of your parents. Especially when the dinner is an
anniversary dinner.
Meh!
I fucking quit!
Happy Anniversary to me!

Sent from my iPod

I have Moday Off

So here I sit in my new "office", looking out the window at the DVP and drinking coffee out of my mug (it's got my name on it)
It's like ten to 9 am and the traffic both ways is ridiculous.
It nice to just sit here and not have to worry about the daily grind. :D

Maybe one day I'll have to worry about it. Glad it's not today :D

Have a great day every one.